ANALYSIS: If I were president

I found this on whyzz.com — kids’ answers on what they would do if they were president:

Young kids have remarkable points of view! The following answers were contributed by 4 and 5 year old students from a New York City Pre-K Class.

Often, when people seek the office of president, they tend to make promises that they almost certainly cannot hope to keep. Luckily, being America’s #1 Amateur Historian, I can point where these children are being disingenuous or telling falsehoods.

Ania — I will help our world by making sure everything is treated nicely

I do like how vague Ania is being here. When you’re making promises, you don’t want to go into too many specifics or they’ll come back to haunt you. Here’s where your problem is, Ania. How could you possibly police this? Even if you had the power to observe how every single thing is being treated, how do you ensure just treatment without consequences? Because punishment for those not treating things nicely would demand harsh treatment for them. Furthermore, if you did make sure everything was treated nicely, you have to consider the ramifications. Does “everything” include plants and animals? If so, you’re eliminating vital natural resources, such as wood from trees and flesh from pork and poultry in the name of some misguided quest of “fair treatment.”

Annabel — I would protect people, and if people aren’t eating healthy stuff I would take them to doctors to be healthy

Annabel, I hope you aren’t saying that you would force people to see a doctor for choosing not to eat a completely healthy diet. I don’t think you have the legal authority to do so. “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” are named in the Declaration of Independence as the three sovereign rights of man. For men to have liberty necessitates the ability to choose one’s own destiny. Certainly the case could be made that the government dictates what people can put into their bodies already (illegal drugs), but unlike illegal drugs, which are primarily ingested for recreational purposes, food is a necessity for survival, and the outright illegality of certain foods because they are “unhealthy” would be shaky ground, legally speaking.

Andrew — I would run the country by making sure people don’t fight

I’m not sure how making sure people don’t fight would cause you to run the country. They don’t seem to be things that are very cause-and-effect. There is also such a thing as being too vague, like you are being right now. Define “fight.” There are enough laws on the books that make things like assault and battery illegal on the smaller scale. If you mean that you intend to act as a sort of police on the international level, then you run into the complex and murky depths that have plagued American foreign policy for the last thirty years. How can one stop others from fighting without the use of force?

Arianna — The whole world has to be friends and nice to each other

Arianna, is that merely a declarative statement or a direct threat to those who disobey? It might carry more impact if it were the latter. Though I should warn you that other countries no longer respond very kindly to U.S. unilateralism anymore.

Avery — Please stop putting people in jail even if they did something bad

I’m not sure how sturdy a platform this is for a presidential candidate. Perhaps you could campaign on prison reform, but the outright elimination of America’s prison system would be political suicide. If you are seeking the office of president specifically to release a particular person from prison, you’re probably getting into it for the wrong reasons. Also, may I direct you to the presidential privilege of granting pardons?

Cody — I would run the country, I would make sure everything is safe

I like this, Cody. You state the president’s job, then you create an air of confidence without getting too wonky. “I would make sure everything is safe” is a good statement to make, considering “everything” and “safe” are both up for interpretation.

Felix — I’ll stop shooting guns

A good gesture, but probably not necessary if done in the right context. In fact, promising to shoot more guns might curry favor with certain segments of the population. Consider your audience, Felix.

Jade — Not throwing stuff at people and I would make sure people are sharing

Jade has summed up the Green Party platform, and thus, will never be president.

Liam — I will protect the universe by running the country

By the sound of it, Liam would probably make a better Green Lantern than he would a president.

Nadia — Say that the city is safe

Nadia gets it. Saying that the city is safe is much more important than the city actually being safe. In this way, Nadia is a very shrewd politician. The city’s actual safety is irrelevant to the greater populace, just so long as it is perceived as being safe. I’m going to recommend a book to you, Nadia, I think you will like it — Machiavelli’s The Prince.

Gabriella — I’d eat ice cream

So would I, Gabriella. So would I.